I've done it myself and by the number of mind numbing updates on my news and twitter feeds there's a good chance you have too. You know what I mean, just posting some little thought that pops into your head, or a tiny little slice of your mundane every day life, or the ever popular tale of "micro woe" (as if sharing your everyday unsolvable problems with 140 million other people will somehow solve them... which it won't by the way).
You've seen them, you know the sort of thing I'm talking about "Bob Smith is cold", "Sally Jones is tired", "Andrew Williams is wondering where all the snow went" or the unforgettable "Mark Peters is going to bed".
Pointless little snippets of people's tedious life, (that let's be honest) nobody cares about or even cares to read. They're just random little thoughts most of the time, and they should probably just stay in our heads (they certainly would have done in the time before the internet). Why some people find the urge to share these little nuggets of nothingness is beyond me (even though as I say I've been guilty of it myself in the past from time to time).
Then there is the obvious cry for sympathy or attention "Mary Williams is feeling soooo low", "Paul Cook wishes it wasn't over". It seems that some people produce nothing but these desperate and needy little messages, which seem terribly sad and depressing... actually they don't seem sad and depressing, they seem fucking annoying and pathetic. If you've got problems, go and talk to someone about them or keep it bottled up like the rest of us, just please stop fishing for attention randomly on facebook or wherever. It makes you seem even sadder than you actually are, trust me. One wonders how long it will be before the first case of "status update-munchausen syndrome" is diagnosed? I can think of a couple of candidates for clinical studies right off the top of my head.
But sad as they are, the "cry for attention" updates annoy me less than the ones that really bake my noodle. The "non-event event" updates, such as the classic "Sophie Brown is going food shopping", and the earth shattering "Matt Philips is watching TV", and who could ever forget the brilliance of "Wendy Parsons is cleaning the carpet"... who the fuck cares... no seriously? Who... the... fuck... cares. This isn't news, this isn't status, this isn't even in the slightest bit interesting... to anyone. It's just fucking pointless and annoying crap. If you post this sort of thing you should be ashamed of yourself... no seriously, next time you're about to post a tweet or a status update, check yourself. Just have a little think about what drivel it is that you are about to piss onto the internet. Seriously if this is the sort of thing you post, then just have a think about how annoying and fucking pointless it's going to make you seem... in fact if you want to update your status then here's what you should write instead "INSERT NAME is fucking annoying and pointless". Nice one.
And here's one last little point while I'm on a roll. If you're feeling sad or lonely or broken hearted, for God's sake stop posting fucking song lyrics as your status. If you're going to post what is effectively bad poetry, then please, for the love of Firefly please make the fucking effort and write something original and relevant for yourself. Don't just dip into the fountain of historical sorrow and select an off the shelf moment of woe, share your own. In fact, fuck it, stop posting lyrics for any reason... show some imagination and if you're not capable of doing that, if you're completely incapable of NOT seeming like someone who has nothing to say whenever you put fingers to keyboard... then sit down, move away from the keyboard and leave it be. If that's you, then face it, you're a drone... now be a good drone and shut the fuck up.
But sad as they are, the "cry for attention" updates annoy me less than the ones that really bake my noodle. The "non-event event" updates, such as the classic "Sophie Brown is going food shopping", and the earth shattering "Matt Philips is watching TV", and who could ever forget the brilliance of "Wendy Parsons is cleaning the carpet"... who the fuck cares... no seriously? Who... the... fuck... cares. This isn't news, this isn't status, this isn't even in the slightest bit interesting... to anyone. It's just fucking pointless and annoying crap. If you post this sort of thing you should be ashamed of yourself... no seriously, next time you're about to post a tweet or a status update, check yourself. Just have a little think about what drivel it is that you are about to piss onto the internet. Seriously if this is the sort of thing you post, then just have a think about how annoying and fucking pointless it's going to make you seem... in fact if you want to update your status then here's what you should write instead "INSERT NAME is fucking annoying and pointless". Nice one.
